she is caught between who she is and who she wants to be.

 ♥

Hi lovelies, how are you?

Busy days lay behind me, including stressful working days, a class trip and my birthday. It was within these days, that I began to feel unhappy and dissatisfied with my life. I long for a change, a huge change, a change in every part of my life.

This insight didn't come suddenly. I struggled with my life for days and weeks. I feel ready to leave the past chapter of my life behind, with its ups and downs. I am not saying that this last life chapter was a bad one, No, it wasn't at all. It was a wonderful one, with lots of wonderful moments which will stay in my memory. I know I am talking a lot of changes now and then, but it is just because I am still on a journey, to find the right way to live. And I think, now that I turned 25 on June 4th, it might be a good time to do so. Here's a list of things, I'd like to change:

Clothes: I'd like to wear clothes I really like and feel comfortable with. Clothes in decent colours, like black, white, brown, soft pink, blue...(see more here). I'd like to get up in the morning knowing what I am going to wear instead of asking me what to wear, because I can't see my old clothes anymore.

Health: This is one of the most important changes I want to tackle. Step by step I want to change my eating habit, which means: less junk food more freshly prepared meals, vegetable, fruits, water and tea. All together: a lighter and varied way of eating. I should listen more, what my body tells me, may it be when I am tired (I need sleep), food (I'm full; I need more vitamins..). Also, I want to be more active. My dancing class is not enough to keep me in form. I want to go out, enjoy nature while improving my physical feeling in form of jogging and Tai Chi. I tried Tai Chi the last three days on the class trip and it was amazing. I didn't feel so good and relaxed in weeks.

And last but not least: Improving positive thinking. This is one of the most important things for a healthier life. You are what you think. Your thoughts create your life. If you choose negative thoughts, your life won't be a happy one, but if you choose the bright site of life, everything is possible. You will shine from inside out and it will draw people in. Through positive thinking, the mind is pure and joy will follow.

Self Love: I have to start to love myself. To love myself for my sake. When I don't love myself, why should someone else love me? I am who I am and that's enough. I am a lovable person who should stop to think what others think of. One of my biggest flaws is, that I am think that I am not beautiful. I don't like my legs and belly. I compare myself wih others, even if I know it makes no sense, especially because I know that every person is different. But I think I am not the only one who thinks this way. We limiting ourselves and forget what a wonderful and unique human being we are. From now on, I want to celebrate my body and my soul, to embrace my feminity. From now on, I will love my body and treat it the way he deserves it. If I don't like my legs and belly, it is up to me, to change it.

Home: My home is my safe haven. A place I like to be. The more love I put into my home, it reponds to me. A light and clear home helps to keep the mind clear. I want it to be a place where I can breathe. It has to be organized and no useless stuff shall stay there. Here I come back to point one, Clothes. I just threw out a huge pile of old clothes, I didn't wear to years but kept them because I thought I might wear them one day again. Eeeeh, I was wrong. I kept them and they frustrated me. Now that they are gone, I feel better. It is the same with all the other rooms. Before I buy things for my home, I think twice if I need something. Only things I really need or those, I might use more often (like decoration) will find their way into my home. Step my step, the bare and plain apartment turns into a bright comfortable home.


Passions: I dream of a life, were I take time to improve my passions. Even if life is stressful, taking time for your hobbies is important. They help you to slow down and to relax. I can't remember when the last time was, when I worked on my art journal, or even went outside to take pictures. For me, it seems like ages.
It also is never to late to start something new. Trying out new things helps you to discover new passions. Tai Chi in the morning is the perfect start into the day and my tensions were gone.

Travel: I am not born for one corner, the whole world is my native land. The world is too beautiful to stay home. Amsterdam, Iceland, Italy, Scottland, Sweden, Norway, Russia, Asia... wait for me. One day I'll come. I plan to travel more often. I long to see the world, to make new experiences. For next year, I plan to go to Amsterdam for some days...

Relationships: Friends and family are important to me. I will try to become a better friend, daughter, sister, niece, granddaughter and maybe one day, a better girlfriend. I want to be there for those I love. This also includes my friends. I have only a handful of really good friends, but what are a lot of friends compared to a few close friends? From now on, I open myself for the love of others and welcome it with open arms. I won't worry about not being loved. One day, Mr. Right will come. And I am still loved by the persons arround me.

The simple things: I want to live a simple life. To find beauty in the most ordinary things in my everyday life. Sunlight, hot tea in the morning, the smell of flowers, the smile of a stranger...all these things make life worth living. I refuse to follow the consumer behaviour of our soceity. I don't need an iPad or iPhone (even if it would be nice to use instagram), I don't need to be online all day, I don't need to watch TV. I follow the rule: Less is More. I enjoy the moment, when my feet touches the grass, when my lips taste the first ice cream or when I spent time with friends. These things make life worth living and I will feel more blessed than I ever did before. I will celebrate my whole feminity and face the world with a grateful heart. I bind myself to nature. To live with the seasons. To enjoy the sun on my face and the wind in my hair...

You see, I planned a lot and of course there are much more things, I could tell, but I stop here. I thin it's enough to start with.

 Step by step I am going to make everything around me beautiful, that will be my life.
Thank you for reading this post.